Podcast - Baffling Behavior Show
The Baffling Behavior Show is a podcast that makes brain science accessible to caregivers everywhere who are confused by their kids’ “Big Baffling Behaviors” hosted by Robyn Gobbel. Her framework helps make sense of these baffling behaviors and address the cause of those behaviors to create lasting change.
The Baffling Behavior Show offers hope for kids and their caregivers. Robyn takes complex brain science and not only helps people understand it, but helps them apply it as well. Her goal is to understand confusing behaviors, not excuse them, and to help establish appropriate boundaries with kids and ourselves. She believes that the behaviors that baffle us also help inform us of what is happening inside our kids.
Her approach is centered around teaching families how these behaviors are rooted in the nervous system. Our brain is constantly scanning for “Do I feel safe? Do I feel understood? Do I feel connected?” When brains decide the answer is No, confounding behaviors arrive on the scene.
Humans are hardwired to need safety and connection. When the brain decides it is safe and connected, we stay regulated. Being regulated means being able to notice and manage our nervous system during the ups and downs of life. When we are regulated our behaviors generally match reality.
Dysregulation occurs when a false alarm gets triggered. Our brain signals “I do not feel safe right now and must do something to feel safe again!” In an attempt to reestablish that security, we use the protective behaviors of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These behaviors are driven by our perception, not reality. For example, a toddler hearing "No you can’t eat that five pound bag of candy" perceives a crisis. Realistically, not allowing a toddler to eat a five pound bag of candy is a healthy boundary, but because the toddler’s nervous system reacts to that perceived crisis, meltdown occurs. Dysregulation is both the baffling behavior and the physiological distress responses (racing heart, crying, shaking, et cetera).
When kids are in a state of dysregulation, they are dependent on borrowed regulation to calm their nervous system. When they connect to the safety and stability of a regulated nervous system, kids actively develop their own self-regulation.
The good news is that caregivers can give kids what they need: connection and co-regulation. Our kids can’t change their dysregulated behaviors until they co-regulate with our regulated nervous system. We can bring our kids back to regulation by being with them while we are self-regulated. Regulated adults lead to regulated kids, and regulated kids can change their behaviors.
What I love about Robyn’s podcast is twofold. First, the direct and gentle way she teaches that baffling behaviors will change when parents and caregivers self-regulate. She encourages listeners that things can get better as we show compassion to ourselves and our kids. We don’t need to just “push through” or “try harder”. Second, she teaches that humans never outgrow the need for co-regulation, and reminds us that we heal our own dysregulation by connecting to the safety and stability of regulated nervous systems in our partners, family, friends, support groups, mentors, spiritual leaders, and therapists.
Click on the “Start Here” episodes found on Robyn’s website. Episode 1 is titled “Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior”. The first six episodes lay the foundation for understanding baffling behaviors and how to support change.
There are other amazing FREE resources on her website including infographics, webinars, and ebooks which are all about boundaries, connection, and practical ways to regulate yourself and co-regulate with your kid.
